This post is for Angela. And also because I like cats. And also because Salem is hilarious. And also I can relate on some of those…AND I WON’T SAY WHICH ONES.
The funnies, witties, puns, accidents, wixed mords, and happy happenings of Katie Egan.
Now all you can do is wait. It must be hard for you, but there is a right time for everything. Like the ebb and flow of tides. No one can do anything to change them. When it is time to wait, you must wait.
I just heard sad news that I wish I could share. A.) It’s relatively confidential, B.) How can I truly convey how invested I am? And C.) I have to try and convince myself that I am made for this and I’m not ready for that conversation yet again.
I’ll end with a vague prayer:
Lord, you are the greatest protector. Protect those who I can no longer see. Bind the enemy when he tries to attack. I pray for courage, strength, and the chance to say goodbye (or hello again). I pray that those I love know that I love them and that they are more important to me than they could ever know. Lord, thank you for showing my your unfailing love. I boldly pray that those who are in hard times feel it too.
Your bed is yours. It’s where you can be most vulnerable and free. You can cry because the heaviness of the world that you harbored all day finally overcame you. You can toss and turn, sweat, put on headphones to listen to calming sounds, and never have to worry about disturbing anyone. You can dream a good dream or a bad dream and he’ll never know. And finally, do not ruin your sheets with mistakes; those are your sheets and you have to sleep in them every night. Do not let him in.
Your room is yours, even if only half. Those are your walls, your art, and your trinkets to study so long as you remain in that room. You probably already have enough to worry about as you glance around your room every night before bed. It is your room, your fortress, and your safe-haven. Do not let him in.
Your music is yours. Do not show him your favorite songs and tell him why they are your favorites. They will not be your favorite songs anymore. Do not let him in.
Your past is yours. It is the foundation of your today. It can explain how you tick, your quirks, your beliefs, your anxieties, your passions. Those are yours to keep locked; only you can bare that weight. Do not let him in.
Your favorite coffee shop is yours. Do not take him with you. The journey there will be somewhat foreboding and not as beautiful as it once was. The coffee shop, though busy, will feel empty,lonely, and even corrupt. The once sweet espresso will sour as it hits your tongue and will go down burning. Do not let him in.
Don’t tell him what you like to hear; he will say those things and they will become defiled. Do not tell him that you like his smell, because when you smell it again, he will have secretly won. You can delete photos, throw away gifts, and put a chain on your door, but you still have to sleep in your bed that is in your room. You will still come across the songs. You will have to live knowing that you shared a piece, or pieces, of you to someone who didn’t deserve the key. And you can’t avoid your favorite coffee shop/restaurant/museum/spot forever. Do not let him win. Do not let him in.